Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Chapter 3: Don't Panic...

So for the past few weeks I opened up about my aspirations (as embarrassing as they may seem). This week I would really like to hear some feedback from you guys about what your dream job is, whether you will try and grab your dreams and if not, why not? Are you settling? Are you comfortable with just earning money and living for the weekends? Are there obstacles in your way? Do you feel that ship has sailed?

The older I get the more important I feel it is to be honest and open up to the people around you who love you the most. Don't be afraid of people judging you or thinking that person is better than you are, because if writing this blog has taught me anything in the past few weeks, it's shown me I'm not as scared or shy as I thought I was. 

The one person who I share absolutely everything with is Mammy. I can't NOT tell her anything. I know sometimes this can piss her off, but I have done it since I was a little girl. Call it good old fashioned Catholic guilt. 

Around the end of January 2012, I just found out I got a new job so me, Mammy and my sister's Laura and Esther went out to celebrate. I brought up the subject dream jobs and asked my family what theirs would be, had they have not fallen into their existing professions. My sister Laura said she would have LOVED to have worked behind the scenes in Television, she said she would have been happy just being a Runner! Esther said she would have been a singer or be on stage in Broadway (the girl is a fantastic singer and I hate to admit it, but I'm jealous). Mammy said, "Aye I would just LOVE to be a Detective! I would love to catch people in the act and be like, 'HEY! I caught you, you dirty bastard!' Like in the Martina Cole Novels!" Mammy is a serious book worm... has been since she was a little girl. Pretty sure she means a detective to catch cheaters by that line she shouted in Café Rouge...

I'm not going to lie, I love to people watch. I could literally sit and stare at people all the time just wondering what their lives are like. Wondering if they have done all the things they wanted to do, wondering if they have done all the things they wanted. Are they happy? Are they sad? What are they going through currently? What have they been through? People's dreams and hopes can all be different and they can change all the time. My dreams, hopes and prayers at the moment are going into making my Mammy better. She was diagnosed with Bowel and Liver Cancer in November 2012 and to be honest, it is like living a nightmare and not being able to wake up. But let me tell you all now, being positive and having faith are the main ingredients for me, my Mammy and all of my family right now and if I thought she was strong before, well she is Super Woman now. We all have every faith that she will beat this cancer and although it is tough for her and all of us, I always remind myself of Footprints. This prayer was  hung up on our wall for years when me and my sisters were growing up, but it was only last year that we truly understood it's meaning and it restores my faith in pretty much everything every time I read it.

My Mammy is my biggest fan and apart from all you lovely people reading this, I am mainly writing this for her every week - she loves it! So see, she is my big inspiration - she see's things in me that I can't and I see things in her that she can't. She could be that cheating Detective if she wants to and she'd be the best damn cheating Detective in Birmingham! Lol :).

This is why it is so important to open up to others, whether it be a family member, a friend or someone you don't even know. Whoever you talk to, it feels as if an instant weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up and if anyone can tell you that it's me. Since hearing about my Mammy I suffer severe panic attacks. My Doctor tried to steer me away from any medication, so he suggested I get back into exercise and have sex once a day - cheers Doc :/. But again, my Doctor was someone to talk to as well and afterwards, everything seemed so much lighter.

Thanks for reading again this week and going back to what I said before, please give us feedback about what your dream job is! Just comment underneath this blog, tweet me or inbox me on Facebook.

Have a great week guys! And as always, here's a little song to encourage you to be FREE

T.

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