Chapter 18: A Bit of Motivation...

How many of you can say you have great motivation? Can say that your will power is unbreakable and your determination is immense?! Anyone??? If I could put a sound to what I imagine would be a response, there would be tumble weed rolling at my feet right now. I believe everyone has a great sense of motivation don't get me wrong, but I do think that motivation can slip away at some stage or another. You see these celebrities all the time that go from a size 18 to a size 6 in a disgustingly short period of time, only for it to be piled back on again. Or someone at work who claims they've quit smoking only to get them hidden behind the fire exit toking away like it's a gold cigarette that will make them rich if they don't get rid of it within the minute.

Hi. My name is Patricia and I am constantly on a diet. That doesn't mean I stick to it religiously... There has only ever been one time where I'd like to say I had great motivation and that was when my sister was getting married. I was 19 and her bridesmaid along with my other sister. I lost a stone before the wedding because I went for a dress fitting and was literally horrified at how much I let myself go at Uni. What? I had a Tesco Express, a Nandos and a Chinese Buffet around the corner from where I lived. You'd have all done the same... So I started eating less and moving more. For exercise I'd run, cycle and jump on the little trampoline in my back garden and you know what? It worked. I did however exercise twice a day and lived on a diet of cereal and stir fry and when Laura's big day finally arrived, I felt much better for it. However when I went back to university I took it a little too seriously and dropped to a weight I'd never seen on the scales before. It was only when my sister recognised that my tits had disappeared (for anyone that knows me this might come as a shock to you), that she said I need to stop being so obsessive about the diet and exercise. So I went back up to a healthy weight and kept the exercise to just jumping on the trampoline.

After time, my motivation dropped massively and I haven't really been able to pick it up since before Laura's wedding. I joined the gym with my boyfriend, but didn't go very much. I don't deprive myself of anything, ESPECIALLY if it is sitting in front of me. I have a massive sweet tooth so if chocolate is in the picture, I can't deny it! However I did do my run for Mammy and Cancer Research UK not long back and since then I have got back into running... but I have recently discovered I have sciatica. Yes that's right people, I have become a little old lady. I went to the gym yesterday and winced on the treadmill - NOT a cool look when you have gym addicts and running pro's all around you. I read on the internet that running can help relieve sciatica, but I haven't felt this yet. I've gone back tonight and still nothing. Wish me luck that it does go away soon!

I have tried to regain ways of motivating myself. I have even pretended my sister is getting married again. Heck, I've even GOOGLED how to stay motivated! Wtf?! It's getting desperate now people and I'm not even going to say, "Oh, I'll use some good ol' fashioned will power". Don't put the cakes in front of me and I won't eat them. Don't put a Ben & Jerry's ice cream stand in front of me and I won't ask for a core sundae with cookie dough, chocolate fudge and a hot melting chocolate sauce in the middle. And most importantly, DON'T PUT CADBURY'S DAIRY MILK ON OFFER FOR A £1 FOR THE BIG BARS! I WILL devour them and I WILL happily go for seconds!

I don't believe for a second that you can eat what you want and have abs of steal, so I only have one last thing to add - fuck you, Cheryl Cole!

If anyone shares my thoughts or has any good tips for me, please contact me in the usual places on here, Facebook or Twitter.

Maybe this song will help me?

Toodles!
T.