Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Chapter 92: Translation: WTF?

They say English is the most difficult language to learn; I would have to disagree. The most difficult language to learn, is that of the opposite sex. I don't think many would disagree. Women are complex creatures... I can say that because I am one. However, men, you all don't make arguments easy. Women don't mean what they say 95% of the time, whereas men are quite literal with their words. Basically men and women get lost in translation on a day to day basis because of our expectations...

So I am going to give a few examples of classic examples of how men don't understand women when they say one thing but really mean another:

1.       When we say, “I’m fine” it really means one of the following:
“No. No I’m not fine.”
“No. No I’m not fucking fine you silly prick.”
2.       When we say, “What would you like for dinner?” and men say, “I don’t mind.” We are thinking, “Well you should fucking mind, I’m making you your dinner and that’s something pretty special right there.  Unless you want a soggy Iceland ready meal, in which case I will happily whip that sleeve off and shove it up your…”
3.       When we say, “I want to go to go out tonight. Where shall we go?” And you say, “I don’t mind.” Please just get rid of that from your boring book of one liner’s, fellas.  
4.       When we say, “Look I’m done, don’t text me again now.” We basically mean let me cool off for an hour and if I don’t get a text saying, “I love you and I’m sorry...” then shit is about to get real.
5.       When we talk highly about a celebrity and say “she’s so pretty…” and you guys follow on by saying, “YEAH SHE’S WELL FIT! I WOULDN’T MIND GIVING HER ONE!” Please expect a swift punch in the ball sack afterwards. We don’t care if you agree or say, “she’s nice but… not my type.” But for the love of God, don’t make us feel shite about ourselves unintentionally. We also don’t give a shit if you think this about celebs or talk like that about them with your mates, just don’t vocalise it to us!
6.       I’m fed up of hearing you men talk about us mockingly by saying, “Does my ass look big in this?” Who the fuck says that these days? Most women are like, “Does my arse, belly, legs, toes look fat in this?” To you should ALWAYS respond, “NO!”
7.       When you guys say, “What’s your problem? You on your period?” Yes as a matter of fact, I am. GTFOI. Translation: Get the fuck over it.
8.       When we say, “Can you take the bin out please?” and you say, “Yeah I will in a minute.” Dude, just fucking do it now and make life easy on yourself.
9.       When you say, “I’ve just gone up the pub for a couple…” And you come back 6 hours later… consider the sofa your new cosy cot.
10.   And I can't forget, the ever so classic… Man: How long will you be? Woman:  5 minutes. 35 minutes later…  :)

However... When all is said and done, women and men will forever be this way. It doesn't matter if we are passive aggressive, or argumentative... we may think we are fed up with it, but would we be without this? No. Women will forever overanalyze and men will forever say what they mean.

Or maybe not...

Let us know your thoughts on the back of here, visit my Facebook or tweet me @triciabaxter.

Have a great week guys and dolls.

No comments:

Post a Comment