Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Chapter 95: A Beginners Guide To Festivals

Hola Amigos!

Hope you've all had a great couple of weeks. Apologies for the delay, but I'm won't be doing blogs on a weekly basis from now on... when I find the urge to share stuff with you all, I will. Better than annoying you all every Tuesday with my bull! Ha!

This week I want to talk about Festivals! For some and not for others. But for those of you who have never been or don't think it is for you... I have to say you're missing out! Nothing better than roughing it, wearing whatever the fuck you want and not being judged because there is always some other silly fucker who looks worse, and getting up in the morning to a can of lager - pure bliss! You never seem to get a hangover either?

This blog will be solely directed at people who have never been, but mainly ladies as I would say the experience is less comfortable for women in a lot of cases. So as we are coming to the end of Festival season, and Reading/Leeds is this weekend... here are 10 things you need to consider when you go to a Festival:
  1. The toilet. Now... You have portaloos and you have long drops - both are fucking dreadful, but the latter more so. When going to both, make sure you have your own toilet roll/baby wipes with you, there will more than likely be none when you go in there and unless you want to drip dry (WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO?!), bring some backup.
  2. Bring a fleece for the night time - no matter how hot it will be in the day, you will without a doubt, freeze your tits off at night.
  3. Bring shorts - these will be your saviour. It will more than likely be dirty, it will more than likely rain, you will give zero fucks if your legs are out. You will however if you are wearing skinny jeans and they are sticking to you and you stink more than you already do.
  4. Do NOT bring skirts, especially is you are short and are likely to be sitting on someones shoulders. I don't think I need to explain anymore.
  5. Playsuits - GREAT idea for a concert where there are secure toilets in an Arena. Bad idea if you are going to a Festival. It means if you are desperate for the toilet, you need to strip down to your undies (or if you're not wearing any, whatever) and risk some drunken fucker barging in on you, with a queue full of people watching, naked... on a loo... doing your business. NO.
  6. A shewee. Sounds fucking revolutionary, right? No. Ladies, we always talk about how amazing it would be to just take a wee wherever we want like men and not have to worry. The shewee is invented to do the same for women. But let's face it... is there a dignified way to get your nunny out and cup some cylinder on to it so you can piss in public? Steward, direct me to the long drops please, mate.
  7. We all know how great it is to get pissed and dance like fools to your fave band. But FYI don't get too pissed - you will forget the whole the experience and SEVERELY regret it. I did that when I went to see Foo Fighters and got that drunk I had one of my Converse boots pulled off me and chucked into the mosh pit. Goner.
  8. Try not to big up your favourite band too much... I went to Reading in 2012 to see The Cure and ended up falling to sleep. They didn't interact with the audience ONE bit! I also went to see Ian Brown at V in 2005. The couple in front of us said they seen him 5 times he was that good. Tthey even left after a few songs. We persevered and then legged it to The Prodigy just in time to catch Out of Space. Best 5 minutes, EVER! Can't find a Live vid from them then, but here they are performing it at Milton Keynes.
  9. If you have an old shitty phone - take it. You don't want to lose your iphone - not worth it.
  10. Don't take shit loads of photos and actually miss what you have paid £300 to do. If you want to look at pictures and videos, that's what the Internet's for. Make the most of the experience and embrace it!
  11. Take a rain mac and wellies... probably about the only practical thing I have mentioned in this list! Ha!
  12. Here's an added bonus - take talc instead of dry shampoo. It's fresher, smells nicer and less itchy. Also, you are risk of getting one that is specific to hair colour and you won't realise until you have brown shit running down your head. Can you tell this happened to me with brunette dry shampoo?
Hope that's been useful. I really think you need to go to a Fest at least ONCE in your life - such a great experience. If you have anymore tips or any awkward Festival stories to share, please contact me in the usual places on the back of here, visit my Facebook or Tweet me @triciabaxter. Here's my fave song from one of the best acts I have seen Live - ENJOY!

Have a good one peeps!
Big love.

Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Chapter 94: Wedding Joy & Celebrations

Hi Guys,

Hope you're all well and have had a great week :). Just want to start this blog off by saying a massive congratulations to my cousin Peter & his husband Glenn on their wedding last weekend! I'm so happy for you both and I think I speak for everyone when I say, we all had a BLAST! Thanks for inviting us all and thanks for such fond memories that we will always look back on and cherish. Hopefully this message is a bit more sentimental than the drunken one I left in your book! Love you both loads! Xxx

Weddings are such a beautiful time to celebrate two people finding each other and discovering what true love and happiness feels like. Knowing that a person has found that significant other that completes them, betters them and enhances them in every way possible. When my cousin and his husband said their speeches last weekend, I was so moved. At weddings you feel the love in the ceremony, the speeches and what better way to celebrate this than by getting together and embracing the day with the addition of alcohol, a dancefloor, and a shiny disco ball!

Now... I won't lie, I got quite merry and it's always a mixed blessing when you are tagged in photos on Facebook the next day or worse than that, people relay you the stories. What you drank, what you did, that couple of times you fell over, the list goes on! But God did I have fun. I like to think my party trick is that I'm a lightweight... Yeah no that's not my party trick. But basically ensuring everyone else is having a laugh (even if it is at my expense). That's what a celebration is for isn't it? Having fun! However, the next day isn't so fun.

It's always the way though, you start off so elegant, you feel like you've scrubbed up well from your normal everyday work attire and you are excited to see the vows and embrace the couples special day. Then... the reception begins - you know how it goes, you mingle, you're chatting away and before you know it, you've had 5 glasses of prosecco before you have even sat down to your 3 course meal where there is also unlimited amount of alcohol being filled up whilst you're munching away.

With this in mind, here's a lost of things you should NOT do as a wedding guest:

  1. Drink too much when meeting the family and friends the night before. Do yourself a favour - be as fresh as you can for the big day!
  2. Try to suss out who is wearing what before the wedding and do NOT wear anything similar to it. Turning up to a wedding in the same outfit is not ideal.
  3. Be late - just disrespectful.
  4. Turn up empty handed - not... on.
  5. Look at the free bar and jump at the opportunity of having 4 Porn Star Martini's before you have had a substantial meal.
  6. Relay embarrassing stories about yourself when you are on the way, only for someone to tell you the next day, "You remember what you said last night?" only for you to agree and thoroughly shake your head at the same time.
  7. Write in the wedding book at the end of the night. No, just no. Make sure you grab your mitts on that book either at the beginning of the night or if you plan to drink soda water all night. Believe me, I'm talking from experience.
  8. Make a show of yourself - stop trying to out do the couple. It's THEIR day, not yours.
  9. If you haven't been asked to do a speech don't even try to jump in and do one.
  10. Bring an extra person along who wasn't invited. Unless the invitation say "plus one", don't do it?!
  11. Try and match make all the single people. We get it, it's a wedding, would be cool to say a couple met at a wedding and ended up living happily ever after. But from a single person, please don't.
  12. If you've been invited along last minute and know no one, don't introduce yourself as Vince Vaughn. I've done this.

That's just a small list. Take it in and absorb it for future reference!

Anyways, I will love you and leave you! Peter and Glenn, can you get married next weekend so we can do it all over again?! :D.

Do any of you have any weddings coming up? What's your most memorable wedding guest stories? Let me know on the back of here, visit my Facebook page or tweet me @triciabaxter.

And one more thing, try to avoid Karaoke if you know this might happen:

Big love
T. x

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Chapter 93: #EsthersHenYork2015

So last weekend was the arrival of my Sister's Hen weekend! Or as all of us were calling it, #EsthersHenYork2015. As you can guess, we went to York! I have been planning this along my my eldest Sister, Laura, since October 2014... but it was so worth all the early planning and organisation! Anyone that knows me, knows I am a little bit lazy... Don't get me wrong, if I go away I make sure I have everything in order... but maybe an hour before the taxi picks me up. I thought it would be best if I started the orgnising early so that I can get a better insight into what it takes to plan a Hen Do. Laura has done and has gone to plenty in her time. The only other Hen I had ever been to was Laura's in Edinburgh back in 2007, which was around the time I first discovered binge drinking. Let me tell you... I was well out of my depth with Laura and her mates. Just as I thought we were getting off the plane to go home, someone shouted, "SHALL WE GO TO THE BELL THEN?" (Our local pub back home). I near shat myself. All I wanted to do was go home, be sick and go to sleep by this stage - I felt battered. However, it really is true what they say... Hare of the Dog is ALWAYS the solution. Feeling hanging?  Have a beer. Wanna be sick? Have a beer. Want some food? Fuck dat shiza... Have a beer. Gonna shit yourself? Hold it in... HAVE A BEER! (Okay I have never experienced the last one, but I'm sure someone has).

So I began planning this by searching for some decent Hen organising websites and found www.ukgirlthing.co.uk who also do a site for men called www.gentsevents.co.uk . They had some really decent reviews and some great events to plan for how ever long and wherever you are staying away. My Dad told me that York was beautiful and every time him and Mammy went there, they always seen so many Hen Do's, so  I figured this would be the perfect location! I organised for us to do a Murder Mystery on the first night, Cocktail making the second day and then on to some bars and clubs and bars later on! I thought Murder Mystery would be perfect for Esther (us Baxter girls have always loved to do acting). I thought that mixed with alcohol and a bunch of fun loving girls... PERFECT recipe for a good night. Ii organised a mini bus as this was the best and cheapest option for us all to get pissed up on the way! This picked us up from our local at 10.30am where we started off like this:
The theme  for the urder Mystery was "Hen Do" - I was confused when I first heard this... but this was the character list my party organiser gave me:

Cruella De Vile
Vicky Bollard
Maria Slapperallover
Joanna "Patsy" Lovely
Lady Gargle
Lauren Coupon
Dolly Pardon
Davina McCallgirl
Lindsay Lowhanded
Demi Moron
Jane "Bubble" Horricks
Jennifer Edina Saunders
Her Majesty the Queen
Paula Ranovercliff
We were IMMEDIATELY all over this idea. We had our names picked out of a hat to decide who would be who and well, here's a little sneak preview of what we all looked like in one photo:
This night was SOOOO much fun. The two people who conducted the night were so funny and made us all feel at ease and we all soon got into our characters. They pretty much through you into the first scene so you have no choice but to get into the swing of it. Th idea was that we were al on a cruise ship and Cruella DeVile's (Esther) Ffiance had been thrown over board by one of us (all of which had an affair with Adam, haha). Very funny but... it was hard to act whilst you're drunk! 

So the next day... we were severely hungover... As expected. To which my Sister's friend said, "You know what you need? A beer." So I powered through and had a pint - it made me feel better! We went to Revolution Bar to do Cocktail making and it was such a laugh! We made Woo Woo's, Mojito's, the list goes on! So we were defintiely NOT short of alcohol... Not only this, but we were booked in for our own private seating area reserved for the afternoon along with pizza and nibbles - perfection! Safe to say we had a stonking day! 

So the night time came and this was the only part of the Hen that Esther was completely unaware of... the theme Laura and I came up with was The Wizard of Oz. This is one of Esther's favourite movies of all time! So we got her a Dorothy outift and the rest of us decided to go as other character's from the film. We had myself and Laura as The Cowardly Lion, we had a few Glinda's, Wicked Witches and... well... here we are!

We had such a fun night full of wine, Jager, dance off's with strangers and dare cards! One of which was "Rub your face in a hairy man's chest."........ this happened........ TWICE! Haha!

All and all, this was one of the best weekends we have all had in ages, and most improtantly my beautiful Sister and Bride to Be, Esther. It was an emotional weekend and special someone was never far from mine and my Sister's minds. We know our angel was with us having a little glass of wine and celebrating with us :) xxx.

Here is the anthem of our weekend which pretty much played every day we were there:

Let me know about any Hen or Stag's you have been on or ornganised yourself! Why did you choose the places you went and most importantly, what were your messy stories you'd like to share?! Let me know on the back of here, Facebook or tweet me @triciabaxter.

Big love peeps,